we lost our baby

At 13 weeks--we lost our baby.

This has taken me a while to write. Tears keep falling onto my keyboard as I try to express my emotions and feelings. I have always had a hard time expressing my emotions vocally so I’ve always acted strong, while crying on the inside. This time, I choose to write.

Our baby left us on Sunday, November 13^th. It was the most horrible day of my life. I never imagined the pain it would cause my husband, my family, my closest friends, and especially myself. I feel raw. That being said, I can’t promise I am going to be the same person for some time. We are taking it day by day. Luckily, We have so much support from family and friends and I know that support will only continue as we push through this difficult time.

My husband and I are firm believers in “things happen for a reason.” We do trust in god and the choices that he has made for our lives, even if it’s in mysterious ways. We are trying to stay strong, as we are very blessed for the love we have for each other and our daughter, Madison. God has blessed us with so much love, health, and plenty of caring people, which we are beyond grateful for.

This doesn’t mean we aren’t hurting. We are heartbroken. I’d like to pretend I am okay—but I can’t hide the pain this time. I’m not okay. I know it’s okay to feel this way and I know it won’t go away today or tomorrow so I want to appreciate those who have been by my side with a phone call or an email—to let me know we are not alone.

I believe that with struggle comes appreciation for our blessings so we will not only remember November 13^th as a loss of our baby angel but also the birth of a very special woman. My mother. She taught me to be strong when it hurts and cry because it’s okay. Thank you to all who support my family and I during good times and bad. 

We will be okay—in time. 

{flowers to baby sister/brother from madison. she picked them out herself for momma and our baby angel. she couldn't be any more proud of herself walking in with pink flowers-mommy's favorite color-she said}