weekend through instagram

yes, the instagram obsession continues! here is a peak into our memorial day weekend with friends & family, good food, drinks, & fun. i hope you all had an amazing weekend also! and madison graduates this week from pre-school and it's officially summer! bring on the tans!

our saturday morning

a nice & relaxing saturday morning with my peanut & husband. went for a long walk and the sun is starting to feel warm. we also made cupcakes with our cupcake maker, which was amazing. so fast & easy. the cupcakes were ready in only a few short minutes. we frosted them  together with blue frosting {water} and added whales on top. madison loves the cupcakes and they tasted good too! hope you're enjoying your weekend too! 

easy green smoothie

yesterday i had a mega cheat day when it came to what i put in my body. i woke up feeling guilty so today after i sweated out an hour on the elliptical, i attempted my first green smoothie. it was amazing. it made me feel amazing. a lot of fresh fruit all in one drink. here is the recipe that i sort of made up based on the fruit i like and what i had bought at the grocery store. try replacing your normal breakfast routine with this healthy, high energy smoothie! i did & i feel great. happy weekend friends & followers.

easy green smoothie

-1 banana

-1 apple

-handful of strawberries {frozen}

-giant handful of spinach 

-four ice cubes

-splash of orange juice

candy cane lane | breakfast with santa

this morning we had breakfast with santa. it was so much fun. madison got to make a lot of ornaments and crafts. we ate pancakes and sausage with special christmas cookies :) madison got to see all the disney princesses, which she loves. my cousin was working the event because he is on student council so it was so fun seeing him and madison gave him a big hug {check out the photo below} i adore family moments like this. i wish we could have more but i guess its quality not quantity. peanut adores her daddy. enjoy some photos of madison with santa and out fun day together :) madison even received the letter from santa! 

am i crazy?

am i crazy? for wanting to do this all over again. i love being this little girl's mommy so much that i cannot wait to do it again. the 2 am feedings, the burping, the diaper changing, and even the lack of sleep. yes, i am crazy-- i can't wait! 2 weeks from now we would have known if baby was a boy or girl, which is pretty insane. we will do it again, someday <3 i love you peanut!

thanksgiving

just a little peak into our day. madison and her cousin gabe played for hours behind an old doll house and here is my table runner in action. a wonderful, blessed, day. 

"you can't choose what stays & what fades away..."

i have been listening to florence and the machine for days. so much that madison has learned almost all of the words to shake it out. it was nice enough to go for a little walk today. so we did- after madison begged me to straighten her hair so it would look longer. i also made my mother in law a table runner for thanksgiving dinner. she picked out the fabric but i must say- it makes a great gift! don't be mad if any of you receive table runners this year for x-mas from the starkey family. tight budget ;) anyways- this little peanut just lights up my day with her gorgeous smile & awkward yet hilarious personality. just a few photos from earlier today. now i am off to shoot a wedding reception/cocktail party. it should be a lot of fun and just what i need right now. 

give thanks {through grief}

it's not easier today & it's written all over my face. my husband and i still have moments of grief but we choose to give thanks. thankfully god blessed us with a wonderful daughter to guide us through this. it's hard to be sad or feel ungrateful when you have such joy running around your house--begging to make her turkey craft, praying to god at dinner, asking what we are thankful for {as she says, "i'm thankful for mommy, daddy, and our angel baby}--she truly is a sweetheart. 
so my house is trashed with toys by my feet. i need to do laundry and i haven't. instead- i've been cuddling my sweet little girl & watching movies, making crafts, eating halloween candy. i've organized a small portion of my kitchen for this post. we needed a small tribute to the thanksgiving holiday. madison was so excited to make her turkey craft that aunt heidi bought her--it made me smile, even for a brief moment.
as reality sets in- the tears fall.

we lost our baby

At 13 weeks--we lost our baby.

This has taken me a while to write. Tears keep falling onto my keyboard as I try to express my emotions and feelings. I have always had a hard time expressing my emotions vocally so I’ve always acted strong, while crying on the inside. This time, I choose to write.

Our baby left us on Sunday, November 13^th. It was the most horrible day of my life. I never imagined the pain it would cause my husband, my family, my closest friends, and especially myself. I feel raw. That being said, I can’t promise I am going to be the same person for some time. We are taking it day by day. Luckily, We have so much support from family and friends and I know that support will only continue as we push through this difficult time.

My husband and I are firm believers in “things happen for a reason.” We do trust in god and the choices that he has made for our lives, even if it’s in mysterious ways. We are trying to stay strong, as we are very blessed for the love we have for each other and our daughter, Madison. God has blessed us with so much love, health, and plenty of caring people, which we are beyond grateful for.

This doesn’t mean we aren’t hurting. We are heartbroken. I’d like to pretend I am okay—but I can’t hide the pain this time. I’m not okay. I know it’s okay to feel this way and I know it won’t go away today or tomorrow so I want to appreciate those who have been by my side with a phone call or an email—to let me know we are not alone.

I believe that with struggle comes appreciation for our blessings so we will not only remember November 13^th as a loss of our baby angel but also the birth of a very special woman. My mother. She taught me to be strong when it hurts and cry because it’s okay. Thank you to all who support my family and I during good times and bad. 

We will be okay—in time. 

{flowers to baby sister/brother from madison. she picked them out herself for momma and our baby angel. she couldn't be any more proud of herself walking in with pink flowers-mommy's favorite color-she said}

Mother's Day

mother's day was excellent. we didn't do anything. we ate lots of yummy food. madison bought me a sewing machine and picked out all of her own fabric for me to make her something ;) she is so cute. my husband is the best. he did all of the grocery shopping for the week & planned all of the dinners. how relaxing for me :) i enjoyed some coffee in peace & quiet and tried to teach myself to sew. i need to take that free class because i am horrible. practice makes perfect. {it took me a half hour to thread my machine, haha laugh it up bloggers!} but I promise- i will get good! I am still trying to think of what's going to be my thing but for now--I need to practice! Enjoy some photos that recap my wonderful weekend. (Thanks Mom & Dad for the frappe's) Our flowers are starting to bloom. Madison and I snuggled, for most of the weekend. It was perfection. Please do not look close up at my stitching. I am still learning :)

[diy]. candy/pencil thank you jars

"And we like to drink our beer from a mason jar"--not really but i am obsessed with mason jars. I put everything in mason jars (and my sister always teases me about this odd obsession) i think they are so cute and can be used for almost anything tiny! anyways- this post  is my newest craft. I am always looking for cute, affordable, unique gifts to tell people "thank you" and i think this is a great way to do that! glue some of your favorite fabric and ribbon around a mason jar with a cute tag- and fill with candy, cookies, or even pencils (great for teachers). I love these because you can make them for any holiday...and I plan too! Keep checking back for new craft ideas & fun things!