Wednesday, November 16, 2011

we lost our baby

At 13 weeks--we lost our baby.

This has taken me a while to write. Tears keep falling onto my keyboard as I try to express my emotions and feelings. I have always had a hard time expressing my emotions vocally so I’ve always acted strong, while crying on the inside. This time, I choose to write.

Our baby left us on Sunday, November 13th. It was the most horrible day of my life. I never imagined the pain it would cause my husband, my family, my closest friends, and especially myself. I feel raw. That being said, I can’t promise I am going to be the same person for some time. We are taking it day by day. Luckily, We have so much support from family and friends and I know that support will only continue as we push through this difficult time.

My husband and I are firm believers in “things happen for a reason.” We do trust in god and the choices that he has made for our lives, even if it’s in mysterious ways. We are trying to stay strong, as we are very blessed for the love we have for each other and our daughter, Madison. God has blessed us with so much love, health, and plenty of caring people, which we are beyond grateful for.

This doesn’t mean we aren’t hurting. We are heartbroken. I’d like to pretend I am okay—but I can’t hide the pain this time. I’m not okay. I know it’s okay to feel this way and I know it won’t go away today or tomorrow so I want to appreciate those who have been by my side with a phone call or an email—to let me know we are not alone.

I believe that with struggle comes appreciation for our blessings so we will not only remember November 13th as a loss of our baby angel but also the birth of a very special woman. My mother. She taught me to be strong when it hurts and cry because it’s okay. Thank you to all who support my family and I during good times and bad. 
We will be okay—in time. 

{flowers to baby sister/brother from madison. she picked them out herself for momma and our baby angel. she couldn't be any more proud of herself walking in with pink flowers-mommy's favorite color-she said}


  1. i love you sis. you are so strong. so so strong. we love you & our baby angel.

  2. Saw this on my blogroll and my heart sank...So sorry to see this. I know this pain too. Fortunately, I went on to have a healthy baby girl. Sending love and light.
    Lina @Fancy Frugal Life

  3. You are so strong Mandie and you have been such an inspiration to me as a friend and mother. Let's never forget your precious little baby angel. Love you :)

  4. I know we don't know each other and that's fine, but I wanna say I'm so sorry for your loss. I got pregnant last year and loss the baby at 9 1/2 weeks. It's true....everyone that says I'm sorry or anything but has no idea how you feel unless you went through the same thing. You feel hopeless and like you let the world and the people around you down. At least that's how I felt. It is by far the worst feeling in the world and to be honest you learn to get through it, but not a day goes by that you don't think about it or get angry and you never ever forget the date. I loss mine on november 22nd and it's now the worst day of my life. I wanted that baby so bad and it felt like that was suppose to happen for my life and then in a blink of an eye it was taken away!!!! I am so sorry for what you are going through, but it sounds like you have people around you that love you and will help you get through this. I'm so sorry this happened to you and wish you nothing but the best for your future pregnancies. Sorry again. :(

  5. I am so sorry for your loss. We too have a lost a baby and it's always heartbreaking. Know that you will see baby someday in heaven. Allow yourself the time to grieve. god bless

  6. It has never happened to me personally, but I have seen more friends through it than I care to count. So very sorry for your loss. I hope that you continue to heal.

  7. i am so sorry for your loss, friend. praying that God will comfort you and lift you up under His mighty wing during this time of mourning.

  8. such a hard thing to go through. we experienced a miscarriage 6 years ago & it was by far a very hard & emotional time for me as well.. i know that you are suffering & i hate that, but i also know that God is good…even during our suffering. i will be sure to say a prayer for you & your precious family. keep trusting in God.

  9. J+M+J

    Mandie, I was so saddened to hear of your loss and I can only imagine your suffering. Know that you and your entire family are in our prayers and we pray that you will be given all the graces and healing you need now and always.

    God Bless you!

  10. My prayers are with you Mandie ~ Love you, Amy

  11. I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain. *warm cyber hugs*

  12. There are no words that can comfort parents in moments like this...but you said something that is so true, we do not know, but God knows and also knows your suffering, as he lost a son as well, he knows the pain and never leave us alone. We lost our son John Patrick in the 24th week back in June 2006, a long story, it was hard, hard to take, but in every moment we did feel the hand of God with us, in our pain. One year later the Lord gave us our daughter, Sofia, called a miracle baby by some, as at 41 I did not have any expectation of getting pregnant again after losing a baby and after trying for that baby for 3 years.
    And we got pregnant after 2 months of our loss.

    God knows all.

    God bless you and your family

  13. You commented on my blog the other day and I am just now getting to your blog...I'm so sorry for your loss....My close friend, Kristi, also lost a child and every year she put a special angel ornament on the Christmas is a link to her post about might enjoy reading this...

  14. Im so sorry for your loss..that is such a hard thing to go through. Before I had my Zo, I had a miscarrage at 8 weeks. It was heartbreaking and scary and sad. Its been almost 2 years ago..your not alone in this and im thinking of you!